you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
