This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
