oh god the rape fog is back!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
