I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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