Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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