Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
