Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
