my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
