did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Someone came in the potted fern
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
