We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
