I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
