i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
