omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
