First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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