Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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