It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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