Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
