she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
