We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
