Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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