Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My balls are so social today.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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