I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
