Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
