We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
