I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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