I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
