Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
