I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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