Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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