the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
