They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
