I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
