also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
