You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
