I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
