My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
