Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
