we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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