All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
