can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
