i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
