??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
