I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
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