Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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