I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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