brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
