see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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