trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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