That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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