Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
