I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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