So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
