it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The best revenge is premature balding
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
