Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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