they need to just BURY HIM!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
