let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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