Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
