Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
