I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
