Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
